Car accidents are so inconvenient

There was a huge accident yesterday on the Southwest Freeway that caused a fuel spill. The freeway was shut down for about 7 hours for cleanup. Luckily, we came across the accident about 15 minutes after it happened. Imagine...stuck in traffic for 2 hours with a potty trained toddler.

This is my story (Please be mindful this is a little graphic):

After about an hour in the car we moved maybe 50 yards down the freeway, trying to get to an exit. Jacob tells me he has to go potty so I'm thinking... "Well, ok. You're a boy. Let's get out of the car and you can pee behind this disabled vehicle that's on the shoulder. How hard can it be?"

We get out and get his pants down and I'm waiting... waiting... then he starts to whimper a little and says, "My butt hurts...I have to go poo poo" OH NO! Me: "Honey, no, you can't poo poo standing up. Can you hold it?" Jake: "NO!! WAHHHH!"

Uh Oh. We climb back into the car to tell Daddy our dilemma.

AJ: "Well there's a plastic bag in the back..."

Now I'm missing the days of diapers. Or the days when we carried that icky potty around in the back of the car for moments just like this. Sigh. So how do we do this?

After giving Jacob a brief lesson in "squatting" (everyone in the car laughing hysterically, bend your knees, lean your back against the back of the seat to help. You can't do that? Ok, bend your knees, lean on mommy, and somehow mommy will hold you up and hold the Target bag underneath you to avoid the huge mess that's pending) we decided to give it a shot.

Me: "Ok, buddy you ready? Go ahead and try!"

Jake, with terror in his voice: "Ok..."

Insert terrible sound and smell.

Jake: "Ok, I did it (as if we somehow hadn't noticed). I need help wipin'."

At that moment I was so thankful that we actually did keep wet wipes in the glovebox for other reasons because they came in handy. I passed the desecrated Target bag up to AJ who added in the used wipes and tied it up.

Mission Accomplished.

Now all we had to do was sit out another hour in the car, with a smelly bag on the floor, sunroof open, in 60 degree weather. No problem.

He had to pee 20 minutes later but that was a non-event. Just a little indecent exposure and urine on the freeway.